This post is from the heart.


Credit to Google.

A dear friend told me that her mother is now suffering from kidney failure because once, her mother was diagnosed with high blood pressure but did not follow up with treatment.

OK, now I am worried. As many know, both Mr H and I were transferred to Kedah from Shah Alam a few years ago. Reason being? Well, I did not want to discuss it here. But I want to make it a point that politic is a dangerous game. 

Both of us struggled at the idea of moving to Kedah. From the moment we were told that we will be transferred, our weekends were filled with trips to Kedah in order to find a house to rent. All of these trips.. of course, there were costs involved. Shah Alam to Kedah, every weekend. And mind you, they were not holiday trips. 

We arrived on Friday late at night, and then on Saturday, the activities were fulled with making rounds to every corner of Sungai Petani, trying to find a suitable house. It did not help that we were only free on weekends, which means most of the estate agency firms were also closed during that time. 

I lost my temper once, when a colleague response to us commuting to Kedah on every weekend was, "Oh, that is nice. It would be like honeymoon for you guys!" Sorry, but I did not share the same view. And if you wish to take this part and enjoy the honeymoon as you had described it, then be my guest.

We were in Sungai Petani for 9 months. During that time, Mr H was admitted to the hospital once for stomach pain and I was also admitted to the hospital once, for dengue. We literally had to survive on our own, basically because we do not have any immediate family members there, and since we were new we still did not have any close friends. I remember that I was sobbing while driving to the campus, because I had to leave Mr H alone at the hospital and I could not miss the class that day because I already scheduled for a test. I did not have anyone to rely on to handle the students with the test. So I left my husband alone at the hospital.

It did not help also, when I was told that the reason I was transferred was because I am a holder of the Young Scholarship Scheme, so I had to fulfill my duty by accepting the transfer order, in fact to anywhere in Malaysia, as my faculty wishes. Three months after that, I received news from old colleagues that a new lecturer, who was also a holder of the Young Scholarship Scheme, registered as a new lecturer in the Shah Alam campus. 

There were times I told myself, "I am strong!". But then Mr H would find me crying to myself, quietly. And when he asked what happened, my answers would always be the same, "Why were we transferred?"

I was so demotivated, frustrated and at times I felt useless. I know that it is high time to do something with the feelings I had, or if not I will end up in depression. A place that I would not dare to go near at all, because trust me, depression can consume you, bit by bit. 

I started to self reflect. I remember that I had always admire my colleagues who had written academic papers and presented their academic thoughts in seminars and conferences. I decided to learn this new trade. 

In class, a student kept on asking me about the functions of the King, that after the class, I went straight to Mr H and told him, I want to write a paper on this topic! The paper entitled, The Discretionary Functions of the YDPA, was completed in 3 days. See what anger can do to you? :P

I was still not sure how to submit my paper to academic conferences, but then I thought of sending it to the Malayan Law Journal so that it can be published. I would be a proud soldier, to see my name printed in the Malayan law Journal. Anybody who studied law will know about the Malayan Law Journal. It is a prestigious Law Journal!

So I sent my paper to the MLJ editor. And I did not get any reply, at all. I was too shy to ask again, whether my paper was not good enough and that was the reason why they did not give me any reply. So I decided to send the same paper to the Current Law Journal, another prestigious Law Journal. I received immediate reply that it will be published in CLJ. Oh my God!!! I was over the moon! Me? Nurnazida? The worthless Nurnazida, who was transferred and demoted to another branch? Because she was not good enough as an academician? 

I told one colleague who was also my lecturer about the news. She told me, that I should write again to MLJ, as a courtesy, and tell them that I wish to retract the paper I sent to them because another Journal was already on their way to publish it. I did as I was told. To my surprise, this time I received an email from MLJ, stating that firstly, they were sorry for not replying, and secondly, my paper was actually added to the February issue and also ready to be published! 

OK, now I have a huge problem, hahaha. After careful consideration, I wrote again to CLJ and told them that I was reallllyyyyy sorry I had to withdraw the paper that I had submitted earlier. Luckily, CLJ understood my situation and agreed to do so.


MLJ. Checked!

I did not stop there. I continued to write 2 more papers, and registered myself to present papers at two academic conferences, one in Swinburne University, Sarawak and another one was in Sabah. Of course, I dragged Mr H along with me. Excuse me, I would not allow myself to be laugh at alone, hahaha. But mind you, we had NEVER ever share writing any papers together. We have this understanding that if it is your work, then you are the one who should receive the credit for writing it. There is no such thing as getting free credit. Respect has to be earned. So at all conferences, Mr H and I would have 2 different papers to present.

It was also in Kedah that we both toyed with the idea of starting our PhD. We registered ourselves to attend seminars that was related to PhD. We took one year to get ready. We even went three times to the seminars conducted by Dr Othman Talib. At one of his seminars, he was surprised when Mr H went to talk to him and said, "Thank you Dr. We think we are ready now to start our PhD." His response? "What? you had been following me around, and you just want to start? I thought that you had graduated!" Hahaha. Oh my!

Oh back to the main issue, what I am worried about.

It was also in Kedah that the doctor diagnosed me to have high blood pressure and had advised me to start on taking pills. Undoubtedly, it was the stress and depression I had about the transfer that contributed 99% of it! I refused to follow the doctor's advice. Mainly because I thought I was still young and I did not want to be dependant on the pills forever. It is a well known fact, once you start taking the high blood pressure pills, you can never stop. Until the end of your life. 

Now, is my kidney in trouble? ♡